The FIX-A-FLAT bum

January 10, 2008 at 10:01 am | Posted in Life, silly pants | 12 Comments

We’re at IKEA in the city, loading our recently purchased treasures into the car.  A man dressed in scruffy fatigues walks over to us and stutters:

“Uh, yeah man, you wouldn’t happen to have a couple of bucks so that I can go buy FIX-A-FLAT would you? I just walked like a mile and I don’t have enough money to buy a can.”

Sean says “No, we don’t”, mainly because we rarely carry cash on us and he is answering honestly.

Okay, says the man.

But as he begins to walk away I realize that although I don’t have cash on me, I do have a can of FIX-A-FLAT in my car emergency kit. So I tell the man Waaaaaaaait! as I dig into the space underneath my spare tire in the trunk. I hand him my only can of FIX-A-FLAT. The man seems entirely unimpressed, barely mumbles a thank you, and walks away. I gleam with pride. How cool am I? I actually had what he was looking for.

Sean looks at me and tells me that he loves me.

“Because I had FIX-A-FLAT?” I ask

“No”, says Sean, “Because that man could give a rat’s ass about FIX-A-FLAT. He wanted money for booze and cigarettes, it’s the oldest trick in the book. No one can deny you money for FIX-A-FLAT.”

Wait, was I just played?

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