A Joke for you bloggers in America

May 21, 2007 at 7:14 pm | Posted in silly pants | 6 Comments

The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 90 million in school.
Which leaves 50 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work For state and city Governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.

Antsy

May 21, 2007 at 1:55 pm | Posted in Employment, fish | 4 Comments

I am waiting for an important call.

Thanks to the 21st century and the luxury of having a cell phone, this waiting allows me to go about my usual day rather than sitting at home contemplating whether or not the landline will ring. However, I find myself sitting at home anyway just in case my trusty Verizon Wireless phone happens to ring while I’m waiting in line at a department store.

I picture the scenario of the phone ringing in the middle of a transaction, forcing me to throw my credit card at the clerk and telling her to Keep it. This call is important.

This call is a phone interview for a new job. A new prospective. A job that pays way more money than the post office, and offers benefits. Benefits. I don’t even know how it feels to have my own insurance. This would mean that I could actually go to the dentist regularly, or see a doctor without worrying that I’ll be dishing out hundreds of dollars.

Hold on, the phone is ringing.

***

Well, that went well. I guess. I now have a ‘real-life’ interview for next Tuesday.

<stress level decreases>

I was so nervous when the woman called me. I had swarms of butterflies. I paced around the living room. I wondered if the woman on the other end of the phone could feel my sweaty palms.

***

Now that I no longer have to wait for the phone to ring, I have a confession to make.

I am a fish addict.

I went to the pet store this morning to buy some driftwood for my sucker fish. And to my amazement, all of the aquariums were on sale. You have no idea how hard it was for me to buy that small piece of aquatic wood for $3.99 and walk out without a new tank. You might as well lock an alcoholic in a store that is giving away free beer.

The real test comes later when I tell Sean that they are offering 5-gallon tanks for $30. Let’s see if he can convince me that that hypothetical free beer they are selling is really liquid draino and honestly?  we don’t need another fish tank.

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