The job hunt continues…

March 30, 2007 at 2:41 pm | Posted in Employment | 4 Comments

Forget Easter egg hunts this year. I’m on the hunt for a new job. And the hunt has been going quite well lately. It seems I have more interviews than I can schedule time for. And now the waiting begins. The job will go to the highest bidder. C’mon people, how much am I worth to your company?

I had an interview today with a company that I love. They’re offering me a huge oak desk and an even bigger opportunity. Well, they haven’t offered it to me yet–the position doesn’t even exist–but they want to. The interview lasted nearly TWO HOURS. That’s one hour and fifty-five minutes longer than my interview on Tuesday.

I met with three interviewers at this company and found myself having a hard time running out of things to say. We literally could talk for hours. That’s how cool this company is.

One of the men told me that his mother-in-law was a third grade teacher in my elementary school. I remembered her well, although never had her myself, and asked him if he knew the other third grade teacher at Central Ave..

We recalled the woman I had for third grade, Mrs. Goggin, who was a dear friend of his mother-in-laws.

“Oh Mrs. Goggin was a wonderful woman, but sadly she died three months after she retired.” he informed

“Oh that’s too bad,” I replied, “she was nice enough. But the thing I most remember about her is that she was always picking her nose.” [Sometimes I am afraid I am too honest]

The interviewer laughed and said that he had to tell his mother-in-law that gossip.

It seems we live in a smaller world than I thought.

Sister day

March 29, 2007 at 8:48 pm | Posted in family, Happy, Love, Photographs, sisters | 6 Comments

I drove to the city to see Carrie-Lynn (and Titan the cat) today.  We went for a lovely hike and then to IKEA for lunch.  The weather was perfect, as was the Swedish food that we ate.

We had a little talk about how having a sister is a wonderful thing.  We are best friends for life and no matter what happens, she will always be there for me and I for her.

We’ve always been close.  Even when she broke my leg pushing me down the stairs, and during the countless times she kicked the crap out of me, or scalded me with hot water in the shower, or threw me out of her room for trying to hang out with her and her very cool friends; even when she put on my doll’s diaper and peed in it.

We were sisters when I threw her soccer trophy at her knee, when I hit her in her newly developing bosoms with one of her crutches, or threw a piano bench at her, or read her diary in sixth grade and screamed out YOU LOVE SO AND SO! in front of everyone during a fight.

We will always have that competition for the longer hair, as if the length of our hair symbolizes the secret power that we wish to hold over the other.  We will always look the same, confuse those who call us on the telephone because they can’t tell us apart, wear the same silly expressions on our face when we read poetry aloud.

We have a history.  A sister history.  And it is ours and only ours.  We will always have our memories, and each other.

I am thankful to have a sister like mine.

Who are you thankful for?

for fun

March 29, 2007 at 10:00 am | Posted in Friends, Help a sister out | 7 Comments

My dear friend Binky has come for a visit to interview me.


1. Do you fall in love easily?

It depends on what you call “love” here. I’ve only truly been in love twice. I’ve loved many, and I do find that I am quite easy when it comes to drowning in the river of love. I love all of my friends. I love my fish. I love my family. I succumb to Jane Austen’s theory: There are as many forms of love as there are moments in time.


2. You are transported to an alternate reality where the inhabitants are completely drained of any ability to multitask. You must choose between being a writer and a photographer. What’s your decision, and why?

I would pick photography. I like to write, but I don’t find myself needing to write as I find myself wanting to take pictures of everything. Besides, I remember my memories best when I’ve got a photo of them. I would have to become a fiction writer to make up for all of my memories that I don’t have on film. But see, the day we took these pictures of you and the baby at the park? I could tell you exactly what the air felt like or how great the cheese and grapes tasted, because I took photos of the day.


3. When was the last time you went skinny dipping?

June 8th. But only because my job didn’t allow me to go to Vermont often. The next time I go skinny dipping might be in two weeks, depending on the temp of the stream in the mountains of Montgomery.


4. What quality don’t you possess that you wish you did?

I always wish I learned to Irish dance as a kid. I’d also like to be able to knit or crochet socks.


5.You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land and say they’re going to blow up the world in two days… what do you do? (Extra points if you can identify the source of this question)

I would donate it to the forces that will kill the aliens. Or feed starving children so that they may die full. Or buy one hell of a bomb shelter. (if I had to guess, I’d say War of the Worlds? I know I’m wrong, but they filmed part of that movie in my hometown so I figure I’ll go out in style with some trivia for you.)


Question of the day: How do you vacuum your stairs? Yesterday I dragged the vacuum cleaner down each step and used the tiny reacher tool. It took me forever. There has got to be a better way. Shed your vacuuming light on how you do this tedious task and help a sister out.

I lied.

March 28, 2007 at 11:49 am | Posted in silly pants, Video | 4 Comments

THIS is the best commercial I’ve ever seen.

Some sap with those pancakes

March 27, 2007 at 4:24 pm | Posted in Employment, Love, Photographs, Sean, Video | 11 Comments

Those of you who know me are aware of my constant sap, you know that I am an art fart and a lover of literature. For those of you that know me personally, you know that I am always nervous.

Today was interview #1 and, as usual, the butterflies in my stomach started last night. I told Sean that I wanted to take him with me in my briefcase because he comforts me unlike anything in the world. He told me to bring a picture and that he’d be with me in my heart. And so I was reminded of the E.E. Cummings poem, I carry your heart with me.

So while I was putting on my suit this morning and printing out my resumé, I printed out a copy of this poem.

I arrived to the interview forty-five minutes early and so drove to a nearby park to wait. The neighborhood–ahem, industrial park–of this job is really nice, and there is a daycare located in the same building complex which probably makes it a safe place to work. Everything about the area is green and springlike and smells new. So I’ll be hoping to get a call back for a second (out of 3, yuck) interview with them.

While at the park, I kept calm by trying to memorize this poem and thinking of Sean as I read it. This method of relaxation sounds so sappy, but I guess love will do that to a person. I was calm, I was happy, and I felt so mentally powerful I could own the company in which I was applying. Is this what yoga feels like?

Although it went wonderfully the interview was over way too quickly. Five minutes, maybe six at most. There were at least four other people waiting to be interviewed after me, but fortunately there are several positions which need to be filled.

Among the other candidates in the office, I was the only one wearing a suit and carrying a brief case. The others had stapled their resumés together and were wearing not-so-professional outfits. Bonus points for me? I hope they call me back.

The interviewer, we’ll call her Holly Hobbit–because everyone who works here has an alliteration in their name–had cold hands and kept apologizing for them. She seemed young and yet mentioned that she was one of the older employees of the firm; the average age being 22-27.

Holly Hobbit asked me several questions, my favorite being: “What are you not looking for in a firm?” because I thought it was quite unique for her flip the question in which every employer asks during an interview and focus on what I don’t want in a company. I told her that I don’t want to work for a company in which employees are treated like numbers. I’ve worked in that environment before and put up with it for two months until I realized that no one I had been working for even knew that I had a name.

She smiled as she shook my hand as I left and once again apologized for her cold hands.

So while I wait to hear from them I thought you might like to share in my poem of the day.  Here is I carry your heart with me. I apologize that I am the one reading it–trust me, I sincerely apologize–but I couldn’t find an mp3 of E.E. Cummings himself reading his poem.

Thanks to all of you, especially Erica for offering me help with my resumé, who have stuck by me this month. You’re all so great!

In comments: Who is your favorite poet? Or, if you’d rather, what is your favorite poem? Educate me people.



March 26, 2007 at 12:45 pm | Posted in Employment, Happy, sick | 9 Comments

Well, thanks to all of your wonderful thoughts being sent my way, I have two interviews scheduled with nationwide suit-wearing companies this week. One of the companies isn’t hiring, they just want to meet me because they think I’m cool. No, seriously. The other company is offering a plethora of positions and probably has as many candidates for the job so my hopes aren’t sky-high, but I’m pleased nonetheless.

Now if only I could get over being [half-dead] sick by my interview tomorrow morning, life would be perfect. I have spent the entire morning (with a few intermissions of watching The View and other meaningless TV) in the bathroom. I’m barely getting over the cold I’ve suffered through all week, and now everything else in my body has decided that it too would like to revolt. Thank you, body. I haven’t slept through a night in at least seven days and it seems that even NyQuil is no match for a restless Lauren.

But I don’t even care. I could lose a limb and would still make it to these interviews, because damnit, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and no sickness inducing bug is going to take my light away.

Happiness in comments. What makes your day?

Chief Little Balls

March 24, 2007 at 9:38 pm | Posted in Love, Sean | 4 Comments

I am proud to be Sean’s hairdresser. He is lucky. I have to drive to a salon, make small talk with a stanger, and pay her big money to gently trim my hair with the end result sometimes being unnoticable to the naked eye. He gets to walk into the bathroom and get his hair cut for free by a woman he finds very attractive.

It took a lot of persuading Sean to shave his head for the first time. Well, it took nearly three weeks of him dwelling on it before he decided that he wanted to cut off his 80’s bangs. He does not make quick decisions and plans his every next move months before he makes it.

I am so the opposite. I change on a whim constantly. I don’t mind rearranging my room once a month, cutting my hair–or letting Sean cut my hair–even when it doesn’t need it, or leaving the house without knowing where I am going.

A few hours ago I suggested to Sean as I was about to cut his hair that we should totally use the 1/16″ guard on the trimmer rather than the usual number one. He wouldn’t have it. How could I possibly suggest changing our routine and his hair length? No way. No possible way.

Halfway through his haircut I said, “c’mon sweetie, be a man, cut your hair short for fun, live a little.”

He said no. That I could cut his hair with a number one guard and then maybe I could go back and fade the sides with a 1/16″.

“Okay sweetie.” I replied. And then I joked and cracked an evil smile:
Or should I call you Chief Little Balls?

Needless to say, he had me cut his hair short.

(PS. He loves the haircut)

Oh bother.

March 23, 2007 at 4:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Today marks my 1 monthiversary of being unemployed. *does sarcastic job-less dance around the house*. I’m pretty fed up with it all. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m tired of getting to sleep in late. So please hire me.

I’ve submitted thousands of resumés and cover letters to companies via Careerbuilder and I’ve gotten no responses. Zero. Zilch. A big capital F’in Nada. What I have received unwillingly are hundreds of those spam emails from people pretending to be huge millionaires and could I please send over all of my personal information and a pair of my underwear so that I, too, can become rich like they are.

Some of them just want to date me. Some of them want to “Increase [my] penis size 93”. Most claim that they’d like for me to be rich. Me too, people, me too.

Here’s a good one:

I am zhanna. I am from Moscow, Russia.
I am dreaming to find my real man. Maybe this is you? What do you think
about it? Please, send me a reply here

Today I put on a business suit and drove around the neighboring towns looking for work. I found nothing I was interested in, so I went to CVS and bought a newspaper. At least the cashier at CVS thought I looked professional–I have good posture while dressed to be someone’s office bitch.

And so I came home and changed into jeans. I found one of my fish belly up, discovered no new employers in my inbox bidding for me to work for them, and realized that I hate everything about job searching. So I got my hair cut.

Tonight we are going out, something we haven’t done in a long long time.

Your cheer and job offers in comments.

Is this for real?

March 22, 2007 at 1:19 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Check out this job application I found this morning. Who would seriously apply for this? First of all, looking for a BABE? Can we say sexual harrassment? And $1 an hour? This must be a joke.

A very important post

March 20, 2007 at 7:11 pm | Posted in dreams, family, Love | 12 Comments

My grandmother visited me in my dreams last night. She does this once in a while and I tend to view it as a welcoming sign that she is still looking over me, nearly two years after she passed away.

The dream was of a summer picnic at her house and although my father was in attendance with his wife, they chose to distance themselves and sat at a picnic table far away from the rest of our family. It all seemed very fitting at this point in my life where I am finally a part of my extended family again after years of being the black sheep and my father is fighting with everyone he has ever loved. It seems the tables have turned.

There were babies at this picnic and I rocked a little girl in my arms throughout the dream. My grandmother hugged me tight just before I woke up and told me that I would make an incredible mother someday. And then she looked at me with this all-knowing glow about her and I knew that she has been watching over us. She’s seen the rivalries that are popping up between our once close-knit family and she knows who is at fault. And yet she gleamed pure love from her sweet southern heart, just as she did while she was alive.

I guess my point is this: she will always be my angel and I have to know in my heart that when she comes to me in my dreams and tells me that she is proud of who I am, I must be doing something right. My unemployed, fish-loving, happy-in-Love self is actually still making my gram proud.

And that is worth more than all of the money in the world.

Here’s a treat for you all. It is a clip of my gram singing one of her favorite southern songs:

And you wondered where I got my character from.

And for those of you who are interested in learning more about her life, I’ll let her tell her life story:

In comments: Who is your angel?

We didn’t win.

March 18, 2007 at 9:28 pm | Posted in dreams | 5 Comments

HGTV has been holding a dream home giveaway contest for the past few months and tonight the winner of this fabulous 2.5 million dollar house in Colorado was announced; it wasn’t us.

I’m not sure why we had our hopes up at all. Sean and I both entered via email each day for about two months, we sent a postcard entry and I photoshopped a photo of the two of us standing in front of the dream home for the cover. We put a lot of wishing into this contest and tonight our hopes were dashed.

We should be happy for the guy who won, he seemed very thrilled. But while we were home all day waiting for the contest winner to be announced, crossing our fingers and looking out the window all night on the rare chance that the satellite truck with host and camera in tow was parked outside, the guy was out eating dinner at a local joint. He didn’t even watch the special! Rub it in buddy, feel free to reach in our chests to steal our hearts.

We went outside after the show and stood on a giant snow pile and laughed our silent heartbreak away:

“It’s probably good that we didn’t win” I said, “I might’ve shit myself from all of the excitement”

“They must have something written in the clause about that” Sean answered, “Quote: If you shit your pants when we show up at your door, you get nothing.”

I’m almost glad we didn’t win. Rich people are too busy worrying about taxes and bills to have any fun. And millionaires can’t say the word ‘shit’.

Happy St Paddy’s Day!

March 17, 2007 at 12:35 pm | Posted in Irish | 6 Comments

Here is my wonderful Aunt Sandy and her pup Maggie.  The pets get dyed green to show their true Irish side.  I’d dye my fish too but they probably wouldn’t appreciate it as much as Maggie does.  🙂

My sister and Laura are on their way for a night of celebrating with me and the Malones.  We’re going to live it up Irish style.

How will you spend your Irish day?

Playing internet guessing games while drunk

March 16, 2007 at 7:31 pm | Posted in silly pants | 3 Comments

Your guess of “dildo” was wrong! Acceptable answers were backpack, back pack, knapsack, napsack.

I almost forgot!

March 16, 2007 at 6:52 am | Posted in Happy, Love, Video | 7 Comments

Here’s our 12th-month video.  I can’t post the video I made for the entire year because it’s 45 minutes long.  Yes, that’s what a person does when she has nothing else to do all day.

I love this song, Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban.  Which reminds me… did anyone see the premire of October Road last night after Grey’s Anatomy?  What a great new show!  I’m psyched.

I think I’m going to go back to bed for the next six hours and wait out the snow.  Enjoy the movie!

Will work for creativity

March 15, 2007 at 12:17 pm | Posted in Employment | 10 Comments

I’m not sleeping, my teeth are crowded, and I feel I will never get the job I want.

Maybe I’m setting my standards too high. The problem is that I know I am smart, and can usually excel because I work really hard for my results. But on paper, I look like a shmuck. I haven’t finished college yet. I’ve worked in mostly hands-on manpower jobs. But damnit, I want an opportunity to use my brain. I didn’t think that this was too much to ask for.

Being unemployed sucks. I have plenty of money to get by on, but the whole concept of doing nothing and talking to no one is really driving me up my bedroom wall. I like people. I like working. So hire me! Please! I promise, I’m talented…give me a chance!

Let’s talk about the unmentionable: work.  What was your favorite job?  Better yet, tell me about your worst occupation.  Make it juicy. 

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